8/4/08

If you really knew me...

I don't think I went too much into my trip to San Francisco back in July. San Francisco was great. A BIG great thing happened to me while in California, but it really didn't take place in SF, but rather in Concord where I was able to attend a training through Challenge Day (http://www.challengeday.org). We had their program come through our school back in March and it was a pretty cool thing. Basically, they try to teach people that life is more than something that is just all about us. Their main teaching is that of tolerance and acceptance. Anyway, check out their website. The Next Step training, as the training I went to in July was called, was a follow up to the original program. The three days I spent in this training really was for my students(I want to keep them in the mindset of Challenge Day) but I really got a lot out of the training. Today, when one of the secretaries of my school called, I was again reminded of how much of an impact Challenge Day Next Step had on me and I thought I would dedicat this little post to it(it may actually end up being a pretty large post, you don't have to read it if you don't want to!!) In a few weeks, I will have to lead the faculty of my school in the activity "If you really knew me." Basically, we did this each day at the training and it is meant to help you drop your "emotional water line" and get real. Basically that means, that you share with the people in your group who you really are. Most people in the world walk around only sharing about 10% of who they really are. Who knows why we do this. For me, a lot of times, the reasons I hold myself back is because I am always a little afraid of what people may think of this being, if they really knew her. (MBC this is a lot like true confessions but it may be a little more intense and a little less guarded!) I guess I have already stared my if you knew me part by saying that sometimes I keep the real Alice on the down low because I am afraid of how the world will handle me. Here is a list of my if you really knew me today:

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME:
1. You would know that today I went into my favorite bar and actually talked to people. I was not guarded or even shy and I initiated the conversations a lot of the time, and that made me really proud of Alice today!
2. You would know that the last week home during the summer is always the hardest week for me. I love a lot of humans but these humans who happen to be my family hold so much of my soul. Being with them is amazing, and the tears of leaving are just a small price to pay to get to spend summer with them.
3. You would know that I hate crying in front of people but, lately, I have felt that maybe I shouldn't try to be so tough because it really hasn't done anything for me except to give me this false sense that being tough is important. It is not important and really crying sometimes is necessary. I guess if we didn't ever need to cry we probably wouldn't have the ability to cry. No accidents in this silly little world.
4. You would know that I have connected with myself this summer. I know people will think I am crazy but I think for the first time I have actually felt my own spirit within me. The awesome thing about that spirit I have found is that she is amazing and strong and beautiful. I do not know why I keep her to myself most of the time because, people, she is an awesome gift to the world!!!
5. You would know that I promised myself to live 100% from now on and that lately I have only been living about 85% but that is totally up from the 50% I was living before summer. The biggest thing I did this summer to live 100% was to ride the log chute in The Mall of America, and even though that may seem like a real small thing to do to many of you, I am not a ride person and my knees shook for a whole 15 minutes afterward. I felt so alive.
6. You would know that the reason why I made this pledge to myself is because I am really afraid that I may be like my Dad. Don't take that wrong, I LOVE my Dad and a lot of the things that make me, me are him and they are good things. I worry about him a lot though because he doesn't live 100%. In fact, I think he may barely live 5%. I sometimes see that part of him in me and I do not want to be like that. I want to get out and see the world, I want to experience things, I want to love so much that it feels like it could actually kill me, I want to feel completely, I guess in essence I want to live 100%. That is a hard thing to do because life is pretty much monotonous at times and we really get caught up in things that really don't matter causing us to not live fully. Even though I say this is my goal, it is like any goal and needs constant tending.
7. You would know that for the first time in my life, I am actually making eye contact with complete strangers. I never noticed this about myself until recently, but I really ignore the human population about 95% of the time. If I don't know somebody, I do not give them the time of day. Actually, that is the old Alice. Now, I randomly wave to people and laugh at little kids riding their bikes as I pass by them and I really don't care how people percieve me. People are awesome. I am definitely trying to be nicer to humans!

If you really knew me you would know that I feel good right now for having just dropped the water line a bit. Hopefully, you gained something from this too and maybe you even know me a bit better too. Thanks, as always, for reading and have a spamtastic day!