1. "I'm gonna put you on hold." Natasha, The Black Widow. She then goes on to beat the crud out of four guys.
2. Natasha Romanoff: [discussing attacking Loki] They're basically gods.
Steve Rogers: Ma'am, there's only one God, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that.
Loki: An ant has no quarrel with a boot.
5. Tony Stark: [to Captain America] You might have missed a couple things, y'know, doing time as a Capsicle.
6. Tony Stark: [to Bruce Banner] You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?
Tony Stark: Jury's out.
8. Bruce Banner: I got low! I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth... and the other guy spit it out!
Steve Rogers: We won. Tony Stark: All right, hey! All right good job guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow; let's just take a day.
10. Natasha Romanoff: [tied up in a chair being interrogated by Russians, getting a call] I'm working.
11. Jarvis: [Thor has just thrown a thunderbolt on Iron Man] Power to four-hundred percent capacity.
Tony Stark: How about that? Tony Stark: Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
14. Agent Phil Coulson: You're at 114 Solenski Plaza, 3rd floor. We have an F22 exactly 8 miles out. Put the woman on the phone or I will blow up the block before you can make the lobby.
Steve Rogers: [looks at the Helicarrier tech] It seems to be powered by some sort of electricity! Tony Stark: ...well, you're not wrong.
Nick Fury: Hey, did WE come to YOUR world and blow stuff up?
17. The Other: Humans... they are not the cowering wretches we were promised! They are unruly, and so cannot be ruled! To challenge them, is to court death.
18. Tony Stark: You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart.
[Stark points at the mini-arc reactor in his chest]
20. Tony Stark: Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Tony Stark: Funny things are. Tony Stark: I have a plan: attack!
Bruce Banner: Oh, well, that's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry.
26. Captain America: Go on put on the suit lets go a couple rounds. [to Iron Man]
27. Thor: We're not finished yet.
- Tony Stark/Iron Man: And then shawarma after.
- 28. Bruce Banner/The Hulk: Did I hurt anybody?
- Security Guard: There's nobody around here to get hurt... You did scare the hell out of some pigeons though.
- 29. Thor: Brother, listen to me... [gets blown away by Iron Man]
- Loki: I'm listening.
Nice day off. Stuffed invitations, got measured for the dress, went to Weight Watchers, and then dinner, yogurt and a movie. Good times.