6/16/15

Top Ten Tips to My Single Friends.

Most of you know that I didn't get married until I was older, which is more and more the norm in our society, but if you happen to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you may feel a bit of pressure to get married, especially if you are over 30.  I have been thinking lots about writing a book about some of the tips I would give for surviving your thirties as a single woman in the church.

Do you think people would want to read it?  Let me know your thoughts on this subject, and here is a Top Ten of ideas that may make my book:

1.  Love You
If you can't love yourself, I'm sorry to be blatantly clear, but people won't like you and seriously, men will never love you.  You must take care of yourself.  The love you have for you is reflected in how you manage stress in your life, take care of  your body, and how you talk about yourself.  Find time to relax, eat well and exercise often, and be positive when referring to yourself.

2.  Travel
You will never regret getting out and seeing the world.  And when you get tied down with the responsibilities that come with marriage, you won't get the chance to see the world, especially when you become a parent.  I am so glad I saw England, Scotland, and Russia.  I hope I will one day get to travel again, but for now road trips will be an adventure with kiddos.

3.  Do What You Like to Do
Don't sit around pinning about what you want your life to look like(the perfect little house, with a perfect little yard, with a perfect husband and six children).  Get out and do the things you like.  First, get educated and get a good job.  Work in a field that fascinates and stretches you.  Do something you love to do each and every day(if you are able, do 20 things you love to do!).  Doing things you love make you happy and happy people are very attractive and desirable.  Finding purpose in your life is the best give you can give yourself and to anybody who will come along to woo you.

4.  Be Open 
Get out of your shell of safety a bit.  Be open to do things that aren't easy and may not be exactly what you like.  This will open many doors to you and you will learn lots about yourself.  Be open to experiences in the dating world too.  Date and date and then date some more.  Never, ever say no to a date offer.  You limit yourself when you aren't open.  You may often overlook guys based on what they are into or by what you assume they are like.  Realize that you will never ever find the perfect man, he does not exist.  But you will find the perfect man for you.

5. Be Less Judgemental.
People are not perfect.  Not all people are like you.  Not all people will like you.  It doesn't matter.  LOVE THEM ANYWAY.  Women are tough on each other.  Quit it.  We are on the same team.  Build instead of knock down.  You will find that you can be friends with anybody and it is important to have a wide range of personalities in your friend sphere.  Different views can help you make better decisions and treat people better.  Again, there are no perfect men either and many by our age have a slew of issues.  I am not saying to not judge righteously but I would have never dated Reuben, if I judged him based on the things he did the ten years prior to us meeting.

6.  Be Spiritual
God wants to lead you on your journey.  He also wants to comfort you and knows all your challenges. Pray, read the good word, and have faith.  Without faith one is lost.  When you are in tune with the spirit, you will be able to make wise decisions and you will also be happier.

7.  Find a Good Support Network
You may live alone, and feel alone, but reach out to others.  Find places where you can find good friends and treat your friends well.  Call them, invite them.  You will sit around a long time waiting for their calls and invites.  Do it!  Learn how to communicate your feelings too because that helps so much in relationships and hello, friendships are relationships!

8.  Be Financially Responsible
Don't be afraid to invest your money.  Real Estate is a great investment.  Do not be afraid to save your money and buy a house.  Homeownership is amazing and you aren't just throwing your hard earned money away to a landlord.  I wish I had done this before I was married.  Also, get good at taking care of your money.  It is a great thing to keep you free from the bondage of debt and will help you when you do get married.

9.  Be Healthy
Now, many people have a hard time with this one.  I am not implying that you become what I refer to as a skinny mini, but it is important to be at a healthy weight.  I am not there now and I hate it because I just don't feel good.  I am tired, emotional and can't do things I like to do.  Learn to eat healthy and also to move more.  You don't have to run marathons, but you should be moving.  Walking is an easy way to get exercise in; everybody can walk!  A body in motion stays in motion.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest.  When people quit moving they quit doing good things, and you have lots of great things to do.  I also hate to say it, but guys are physical beings.  No matter how we try to change them, they notice our bodies first.  I'm so sorry for that, but really this matters!

10.  Be Happy and Don't be Offended Easily
I am sorry to say this too because I have heard a few people get offended by this. You choose to be happy.  Yes, you may have an issue that needs to be addressed with medicine, but really you have a lot of choice in this.  Pessimists die sooner than optimists.  It is proven through science.  Happy is attractive, just sayin'.  I hate when Reuben is down.  It makes clouds surround all of us.  And with offense, which I added because being offended makes you unhappy.  Holding grudges doesn't punish other people, it punishes you.  Get over stuff.  The more you get offended the more you block off people and experiences.  Quit it!


5 comments:

Erin said...

I love this! Write the book; it's great advice whether single, married or whatever. :)

Kent said...

Great advice for any one married or single! Write away, right away!😀

Kari said...

You go gurl!!!!

Elizabeth Peterson said...

Definitely write the book! The advice applies to anyone, married or not! Love it!

Christine Carter said...

I remember you saying once how you decided that since you didn't have the opportunity to be a mom you decided to be the best "aunt" to the kids you could. And you were to Aiden, and we love you for it! You are a great friend, a great example and a great writer!