To my baby that wasn't meant to be here.

I wrote this letter a few days after i miscarried. I write letters to Ellis every month and I found it therapeutic to write this letter. I'm going to publish it on the day I would have been due with the baby I lost. It just seemed fitting that he/she should have a letter from me too.

Dearest Baby Angel-
We were expecting your arrival in June 2015. It was pretty early on in my pregnancy but we had decided to tell a few people. I was so scared when I started spotting last week and it was worse because I just kept thinking that something was wrong and that I would lose you. I am so glad I had told people because each and every one has reached out to me with kind words to comfort me. 

I lost you on Saturday the 8th. Exactly 4 months before my 38th birthday. It was horrible. I said, "oh baby" many times during the night as I bled and bled. 

I guess you are just too good for this harsh world and that God needs you for some more important work elsewhere. Your dad and I talked about it and we know without a doubt that one day we will get to meet you, and I am promising that I will take you in my arms and make up for the lost cuddles we missed out on here. The past few days as I have rocked your older brother, I have thought about you and often wept. 

We didn't get to know you but do know that you were already loved by parents who wanted you so very much. We prayed for you often in the past six weeks and were excited for you to join  our family. 

Things always happen for a reason but that doesn't make hard things any more easy. I'm sure with time the pain I'm feeling will subside but know you will never be forgotten. 

Love you much.